A Girl in Her Emotions

Written by Hadiqa Khurshid

"A girl in her emotions” WAO! What a perfect combination, like made for each other or can’t live without each other. YES! That’s true…

"A girl in her emotions is as deep as the ocean."

Emotions bring expectations in her life. A perfect definition of emotion of a girl is the feeling of happiness, loneliness, sadness, anger, depression and anxiety. And you know what sometimes these feelings are much harder to handle. She longs for something with her pure feelings and emotions, then end up hurting her own self. A girl is a giggle with a glitter. She is so sensitive and she over thinks every little aspect and can think for many hours. She is a kind of girl who is always smiling and love to laugh. She is the one who always says sorry; even it’s not her fault. She enjoys every little thing in her life because she knows that these are the big things for her.

She loves to dance in the rain to hide her tears or to explore her own self. The most critical moments in her life, when she hurt so deeply and smiles just to stop the tears from falling. Her mind is full of thoughts. Thousand’s things are running in her mind. She is totally fragile but always there to fulfill her responsibilities. Her dry lips and messy eyes telling another dreadful story. She tries to as strong herself as stone. When something disappears from inside, her cheerful laugh is changed into quietness. She’s so depressed and tries to resolve her depression, move forward, but can’t… I watch her with loving sadness as she dull her shine to please another. She’s the one who straightens her hair, put on a liner and then look in the mirror for the last time all for the one who never care, here her heart splits into pieces. Have you ever thought what type of trauma she’s going through…?

Those emotions can never be defined by words. She tried her level best to recover and lay awake in long night, alone in bed with waiting eyes. She keeps the pain inside and destroyed herself emotionally and then her soul floated out of her body because she never loved her emotions, she lived in her emotions. Darkness and loneliness gather her and continuously remind her that she’s rejected and a worthless piece deserves a dustbin to pass remaining days of her life.

Her scattered dreams, her emotions…

Sometimes you get so tired of explaining people how you feel because honestly, you can’t completely explain your feelings to someone but AALAH ji. Her society, even her friends makes fun of her insecurities and she pretends she doesn’t care, but the truth is she’s killing inside and holding the tears in her throat. She’s broken because she believed. She’s badly hurt that her whole body is crying, her heart is aching so much, that she can’t even take a breath. Her mind is in pain, heavy tears streaming down her cheeks and she’s realizing the fact that WORDS HURT MORE THAN ACTIONS.

Her eyes, there is a story in her eyes, they reflect her inner beauty, her innocence and her beautiful inner soul, but on the other side, they express her fears, pain, how broken she’s, how deeply her scars are, but her eyes remain same all the time.

She’s as sensitive as a rose petal, her life changed when he left her alone… Now the real game of her life starts with haunting memories, sleepless nights and the pain… She remembered every single detail of her relationship from the first day of kindergarten to the spring of the senior year, and then she burst out into tears and silence said more than he did to her. She realized that she’s drowned deep into her emotions. She used to think he’s an amazing personality but he proves to her that it was her only thought. She thought that he never judges her by her past and never care for anything except her happiness, but after knowing certain things that dumb left her alone, left her hurt.

Time is killing her and sadness is drowning her in her own tears. You slap her in public not on her face, but on her feelings and emotions; you hurt her so much that even there is sadness in her dreams. Her mind kept questioning what he has done… She’s remembering the old days what she dreamed off and life through her into loneliness. She still waits…for the miracle to happen. Her life dies right inside her, but still alive to feel the pain. She needs a shoulder to cry on, there is no one for her. She hugs her tear stained pillow and screams without sound. For you, she was just a small pointless chapter… you kick her so hard that she’ll never get up. The same bedtime story, she overthinks whole night and waking up to the fact that it’s not same anymore.

She’s the same girl who used to sing song in all her loud voice, but your betrayal makes her so quite that she even forgets how to speak. She stalls herself by talking to her friends and then something blank appeared in her mind, her reflection, she felt in his eyes, facing the reality she came to her worth in his life… something deep inside her broken.

Now she pulls down her sleeves to hide her deep hurtled scars. All this time she learnt nothing changes, no one cares. The scars remain making her down again and again in that deep hole. She’s living like a stranger on the earth. She’s tortured to such extend that she finds it better to keep her mouth shut rather than speaking up. Her loneliness is what ate her completely. She’s living in a world where hundreds of people follow her, but no one knows how lonely and broken she’s behind her mask.

“This life took her life from her”

All alone standing in silence, she stared at the fading sun, going down just herself and then a storm of memories went through her mind, then two lines of regret moved down on her cheeks.

I just ask you one thing, if you can’t laugh at the same joke over and over again, why you keep crying over people who hurt you over and over again. When there is a fresh wound in your heart, keep it opens until it heals and understands it. If you ignore it, it won’t be able to breath and later hurt more. Remember that you don’t look at the people the way they are, you listen to their heart and see their soul. Don’t let anyone ever bring you down, no matter how much you think you love them. You deserve to be beautiful, to be adored and to be treasured. Before getting used by someone, think that you are not a perfect girl, but a real one and don’t people treat you like a cigarette, they only use you when they are bored and step on when they are done.

I congratulate! Those people who made her fooled and left her on the floor, crumbled up in pain, make her felt unwanted then finally make her realized to wake up and smile, that she is not beautiful, not the most gorgeous but her heart and soul is just beyond the perfection. Yesterday she was crying and today she can’t stop smiling. You are just a bad memory in the back of her mind. He’s not worth your time and tears. She wanted to put a full stop to the story of her life… But life insisted on ending her up on exclamation mark! Her pain is now sourced of strength for her.

It’s not easy to survive after you have faced a storm. Believe me; it’s not easy to smile every day and to show that everything is just perfect in your life. It’s really not easy to drag your dead soul and bring shine to lifeless eyes. Not everyone comes back into your life. Sometimes ALLAH ji will continue to bring a person from your past back to you, over and over again, until you yourself understand why they are not right for you. HE teaches us lesson by giving different situation, what we thought for our self is not good but HIS plans are better. All you have to do is wait and trust ALLAH, see how HE will make things better.

Some emotions remain unsaid, unfelt or you might not hear from someone. Emotions are the perceptions and reflection of you. Never explain your emotions because no one wants to understand except AALAH.

A girl in her emotion is the most beautiful girl ever…!!!