ONE SIDED LOVE

Written by Hadiqa Khurshid

The love that is felt by your own self only. It may be in your teenage or in the part of life where you never expected. What really one side love is?

May be it’s a blessing to you or to learn the new lessons with unexpected terms and conditions. It’s that type of love where you completely down yourself and make an unknown reflection of his/her. You are actually attracted towards your own attraction, but in someone other existence.

At that time, you were not forced to make them a part of your life, but it just happens because of your strong passion or desire to make them yours. You make a reflection of that person that you read in fairy tales, books or have a perfect glance in movies and thought yes! It belongs to you and ignoring the reality.

You make a mountain of expectation and thinks that he/she will react in the same way, the way you do. So Ms./Mrs. You are completely at mistaken. You make your own world, fallen in love with untold or unexpressed feelings. You make an imaginary reflection, where you lose your worth and thought that one is a complete world to you. Now your emotions are its peak. You forget everything, even your own existence. But you create this world in your thinking and you act a different person in your real life.

  “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”

You thought that he/she  will bring best in you. He/she will ignore all your fears, weaknesses and shows a new world to you, where faithful soul and a pure heart is your best friend. He/she will not judge you physically and accept you the way you are. You are burning in your own created expectations. You try to adopt his/her life style although you are perfect and even tried to change your thinking, just to have their attraction. And that one is completely a different person from your thinking.

But it’s the magic of love that you are not able to see the reality and spoils yourself for that stupid attraction. And you never think what happens if that personality is completely a different one and you going to be hurt both spiritually and internally. What if all of your dreams disappeared with a blink of an eye. You make assumptions of several unexpected situations and then ignore them because of your love passion.

Although your love feelings are so strong, but you are unable to confess them. Your fear or your limits always stopped you to confess them. You don’t want to confess them because you don’t want to call “characterless” by your so called society. And if you thought he/she belongs to you he/she will come back and accepts you completely. And when you are going to confess your feelings, then you came to know you are not of his/her standard and he/she never wants you silly girl/boy. 

Time passes, days turned into months and months turned into years. And in that time you are passing from unknown hell, even you yourself don’t know what happened to you. You wait, wait and wait…

Sometimes you get so sad in fact, you completely shut down and think of that personality who may even don’t think of you for a while. You stare blankly at the wall and it doesn’t matter what you thought and what’s going on because in that moment you doesn’t exist. These are the most confused moments where you try to convince your head of something your heart already know. Now insecurities are growing in your head and you are trapped in your own thinking and you came to know its not the same any more.

                                

Now you  come to know it’s all about you and your feelings. It’s your entire fault that you match a real character with an imaginary character, how can you be so stupid? You regret that you trap in your own thinking. He/she is never going to cares for you. What you have done to yourself, that pure and honest attraction is only “ONE SIDED LOVE”. You regret why you thought that those unexpressed feelings and unspoken words are real. You blame yourself and end up with that type of pain where you don’t know how deeply you are broken. Nobody knows the real you, that wet pillow with tears, you are completely broken… And it sucks when you came to know that you need to let go but can’t because you are still waiting for the impossible to happen.

           “It still hurt…  WHY…???

Why is it still hurting…?”

You are in that type of condition where your tears can’t even drop. You feel nothing, you don’t cry, you don’t see… And you are trying to cover up the pain and that hurts more than  the pain itself. You are begging yourself to just hold on and stay strong. And on the other side your smile is he brightest one. You are living in two different worlds with different personalities. You still remembered every single detail of your relationship and the fact he/she never going to be a part of your life and that’s OKAY… Now you are drowning but nobody saw your struggle.

At that time you came to know the actual meaning of maturity, when a person hurts you and you try to understand their situation because love is not a game. And when you looked back and you realized how far you came, you don’t wonder how you make it and you already knew the answer, only by ALLAH’s help. You thought being rejected from something good, was actually being re-directed to something better. And you got a lesson not to confuse attachment with love. Love is about what you can give to others because you are already full. Now he/she came to know their biggest mistake is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much. And forgetting that you are special too and you become your own best friend.

                               

Time passes and sunshine under the dark clouds. And with new faith and have a strong believe in ALLAH you came towards life. You realize people really do come and go. Some come back, some don’t and that’s OKAY. And just because one person leaves, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else, who’s stilling standing by your side. And you learned to walk with a smile and never stop. You realized you are the only person you can depend on. You don’t need other approvals to prove your existence and turning a page is the best decision you have ever made, But never forget what previous lesson taught you.

Sometimes, the things we can’t change, end up changing us, SMILE  and embrace what is right in front of you instead of long something that will never come and do less expect from the people. If someone treats you like an option, leave them as a choice. Your life is a candle and not everyone deserving your light. These are the true moments, that split the unknown attraction and changed your life forever... THAT’S LIFE!!!